Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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