Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
