wrigley field is MILF paradise
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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