You're my little dorito
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
