I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
