Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
being pregnant is like rehab
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
