I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
