This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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