then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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