just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
