I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
