Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
