I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
