I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
