her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
