I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
