I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
