1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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