You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
