Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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