Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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