Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
