THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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