I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
