PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
