I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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