you win again, gameday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
