So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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