You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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