He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
