U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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