areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
