I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I FOUND THE LEGS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
