defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
