He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
