Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
