Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
there is glitter all over my balls
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
