I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's blow job season.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
