like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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