You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
