I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
