Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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