But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
