dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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