Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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