I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
