He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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