you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
