my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
