isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
